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I sit at my desk feeling a little disgruntled this afternoon.

It isn’t a huge secret at all now that I’m leaving my job in less than two weeks time. In fact, next Friday is my last day here and conversation among the boys has switched to topics of the fact I’ll always be one of them (undecided if that is good/bad/otherwise) and what is happening in the way of a BBQ and drinks etc for my last day here. Nothing? Because I hate crying and I know how I will end up… in tears.

But today I had printed off payroll summaries for the other employees for their annual reviews. I can’t help but think, if my review had actually happened this year, back in April, would this situation that I’m in exist? Would I have resigned? The further I got away from my review, I realised its less likely that I was going to get one.

My internal argument is all a bit of a moot point and rather invalid now seeing as I am leaving. I do have a new job. I am looking forward to it.

But I just can’t shrug the feeling of – What If? Or is this more a feeling of jealousy? Or maybe it is because it now feels like this place is moving on, without me.

So this is week four of my return to academic pursuit. I thought I would write a little post about how I’ve found it to date!

The paper content so far is a bit boring. It is all stuff I know. I covered it on my previous course that I finished last year. But I’m not slacking off at all. I figure, if I can get a momentum and get into a habit, then I can keep the habit of say, sitting down and doing study after dinner during week nights, during the afternoons at the weekend, then as the paper(s) get harder, I’ve already formed some good habits for self guided study.

I’ve found that student discounts are awesome. I picked up a copy of Microsoft Office Professional for $99 and when purchasing ledger paper at the stationery store this evening, they gave me a discount because I was a student. Excellent!!

What I am missing though is that this is now taking up my spare time, time that I would normally reserve for photography or playstation or reading novels etc. It all feels quite weird that this is now my life.

But I am enjoying being at tech. It challenges me to be organised even if at this point, it isn’t challenging my brain.

As for a personal update, work have had one week to get used to the fact that I’m leaving. I don’t think it has sunk in to anybody just yet, but I’ve started ‘brain dumping’ all my procedures etc today on to paper and my shoulder has started aching from the stress again. I’m having bouts of overwhelming just to add to my stress levels. And I’ve been close to tears twice today. I think I would be coping better if I wasn’t losing 4.5 hours per week to academia.

Here is hoping I sleep tonight after ‘brain dumping’ this blog post.

I resigned from my job last week. I have a new job, don’t panic, and it should be good.

The job change thing was really hard. I mean, extremely hard. My boss and I have had a business relationship over the past 9 years on and off, and he is like family to me really. So going into this office and telling him that I’m almost divorcing him was hard. I had built up confidence throughout the morning. I can do this. I can do this. I did it. And then I fell apart.

Honestly, I did not think that I would feel that way about the place that drives me up the wall, but it was the thought of walking away that upset me. Even now, I’m getting teary eyed thinking about it again. I got in the car, after keeping my act together all day, and cried all the way home. I cried at home. I severly underestimated how much I valued our relationship and it was hurting me not to tell him how much he had changed my life. Without a doubt, the 9 years we’ve known each other has been life changing. And I don’t mean that flippantly either. There was this overwhelming sense that I had let him down.

So I wrote him a letter, influenced by this blog post, I decided that I could not leave without telling him how much he had influenced not just my professional life, but me as a person as well. I had this idea in my head that maybe I would feel better by telling him this and give myself some closure. I had to give him the letter and leave the room. He didn’t read it straight away, but I sat there all afternoon, shattered and upset just starring at my computer screen. Later on while we were out in the workshop, he thanked me for the letter, and told me that the feelings were mutual and we’ll always remain friends.

But I was still distraught. I sought some comfort in friends, but I asked him for a chat. And the chat surprised me. We were frank and open with each other. I cried. I’m so over crying. He acknowledged that there was nothing he could do for me professionally now and he knew I’d always fly the coop. He just didn’t expect it to be so soon. But he wanted to continue to see me learn and grow as a person and acknowledged that whilst he would always support me in whatever I do, he would be doing so as a close friend and no longer as my employer. Awwww.

He also said he didn’t expect to see me fall apart so soon. He had expected that as my last day got closer, that the chances of me being upset would increase. He offered up his office that if it ever got too much over the next four weeks, I can go in there and shut the door. Regardless of whether he is there or not. He won’t ask any questions and I won’t be under any obligation to talk. Having that sanctuary in these next few weeks means a lot to me.

And so now, my boss and I are divorcing each other, except he gets to keep the furniture, and I’m taking my skills and brain. But we’ll come out the other side of this as close friends and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

It is hard to say goodbye, but it isn’t a goodbye, its a see you later!

p.s. many packets of kleenex were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Today was my first day of tech. It is fair to say, that on orientation day last Friday, I walked away from campus with a variety of emotions, including, but not limited to, fear, excitement, disappointment, anger, upset, overwhelming etc. Some of those feelings were due to an error with my enrolment which saw me nearly in tears at the business school reception desk.

I decided it was sink or swim and in the car on the way to class decided that I would swim. I did this about 12 months ago when I moved into race control. Someone had their idea of shocking me to see if I would sink or swim. Whilst they were hoping I would sink, I swam. For my life. Doing that 12 months ago, proved to me then and now that I can do this.

I’m now only nervous about exams, tests, quizzes and assignments. I’ve met the lecturer for this semester and he seems like a nice enough person. Yay.

Given that I’m working full time throughout this and my library time will be limited, I’m taking the expensive route and purchasing the recommended text books instead of borrowing them and copying what I need. This way, I have everything, when I need it and I’m not limited by my own timetable.

So now, I’m a student as well as a full time wage slave, photographer and race ‘troll. I’m as prepared for all of this as I ever can be. Bring it.