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Self doubt and procrastination are my two greatest enemies. But today I shook off those demons and completed something I set out of achieve – a Certificate in Small Business Accounting from the Gilligan Business School. Sure it isn’t MIT or AUT, but I proved something to myself over these past 7 months on and off.

Originally my goal was to complete the 9 assignments and single test in the space of 10 weeks, as if I was attending the classes had they not been cancelled by low enrolment figures. I did not factor in moving house or having family staying for a fortnight, but even against the odds, I did the full course by correspondence and finished it.

Whilst learning about Small Business Accounting, I learnt that if I really applied myself I can do it, and while I haven’t got the marks back from my final assignment or test, I achieved 98% or higher. Something I am so very proud of. I cannot wait to receive my marks. The anticipation will be excruciating over the next week while my assignment and test are marked and returned to me.

So while I wait, I am looking to the future. Tonight I am weighing up my options to do the NZDipBus in Accounting and maybe extend that further to include two other areas I am passionate about – Management and Information Systems, but as I think about setting foot back into a formal education system (not my informal one of on the couch with a whole season of Chuck playing in the back ground) I get those feelings of fear, procrastination and self doubt trying to creep in. The last time I set foot in a tertiary institution was 2000 when I did a Certificate in Production Graphics. And back then I was useless at getting my assignments completed without the usual last minute panic on the day they were due.

But whatever I choose to do in the future, because I am a working adult now, will require cooperation from my employer. And that doesn’t help the fear because there is someone other that myself counting on me to get results for the time I put into whatever I decide to do.

But I am a strong believer in always upskilling and maintaining education throughout life and so I shall just suck up this fear, this self doubt and procrastination and throw myself into whatever I choose to do next. But its very typical of my family. I’ve had to get almost into my 30s to decide what I want to do with my life. Maybe I’m growing up?