my frenemies
I had a friend. She was a good friend and was there for me while I was getting back on my feet after a particularly disastrous relationship. We lived across the road from each other and had a code for when the bar was open to start our usual drinking sessions.
But somewhere along the way, we both changed. I got other friends, I had a few flings, but found my life partner and she had some drama of her own.
Through her drama, she kicked her cheating husband out and I offered her a shoulder to cry on, a place to stay and support for whatever decision she made regarding her marriage. I would support her if she took her husband back or decided to divorce him.
After marriage counselling, she took him back, but she became so much more critical of people around her, probably without her even realizing this. Everyone around her noticed this change in personality.
For me, it started with, oh you shouldn’t wear tee shirts like that (never mind that I’m happy and comfortable) and you shouldn’t do your hair like that, it makes your face fat (again, I was happy until you said that). And then it progressed further.
My husband and I have made a decision that neither of us want children. And we have our reasons, which I won’t go into. But this friend of mine, every opportunity she got, she would nag us as to we should have kids. It got so tiresome that I just started avoiding her. She knew that we’d made a decision not to have a family and have pets and be the “World’s Best Auntie & Uncle” to our friends kids and newphew.
About 12 months ago, we tried to buy a house in the same subdivision we’re living in now. My friend was also friends with my mother (and on occasion had reduced my mother to tears over other matters) and one day at my mother’s work, she demanded that my mother stop my purchase of a property in that subdivision telling her it would be the biggest mistake I’d ever make.
She’d lowered herself to what I call backstabbing. As it happens, moving to that subdivision is the best thing we’ve ever done and if she was a true friend, she’d again support our decision to live there along with our decision not to have kids.
Anyway, she’s been asking around town as to why she never hears from me or sees me and none of my other friends, who all know the reasoning, have let her know. I’m okay with that.
Just before we put our house on the market in October, she turned up out of the blue with new baby in pram and dog on a leash. “I haven’t seen you in so long, what have you been upto” etc. Told her that we were getting ready to list the house again. She had to adjust something with the pram and as soon as she handed her baby to my husband to hold while she fixed the pram, she blurted out “can’t you see yourself having one of your own one day”.
No support again for our decision. Every opportunity she has a dig. She doesn’t know that we’ve moved house to the subdivision we’ve always wanted to live in. She doesn’t know why I’m not talking to her.
I’ve resolved that I don’t need negative people in my life. But I’m guessing the books I loaned her, I won’t be getting back anytime soon.
EDIT: http://tvnz.co.nz/breakfast-news/do-you-have-frenemies-4-06-3336917
I think most of us encounter these people in some stage in our lives; you’ve done the right thing by moving on, but she’s not taking the hint. Maybe you need to just let her know that you’ve grown in different directions etc and you dont have anything in common anymore (while biting your tongue and not saying the more detailed explanation).