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Tonight I sat down thinking its been yonks since my last blog post, and I wish I had something to write about. I really do. So I thought instead of my usual tech babble, I would have a wee ramble on about what makes Auckland traffic as hideous as it is.

I love driving. I really love driving. But theres some people who shouldn’t have been allowed to purchase a vehicle, let alone drive one. Every day I see the same cardinal sins of commuting. These range from the minor (merging at the very, very, very end of the on ramp) to the very dangerous (using the hard shoulder as an extra lane to get past all the traffic to get to your offramp 3km away).

One major problem I strike most nights is traffic lights. The lights themselves are not the problem, the drivers who do not know their road code while at traffic lights are the problem. Do not queue across the intersection. When the lights change, the traffic that can move and go on their merry way, cant, because you’re blocking the intersection. So the rule of the Auckland commute at traffic lights is don’t move through the intersection unless there is room for you to clear it on the other side.

And on that note about traffic lights. The vehicle in front of you may not have moved because he/she/it is waiting for there to be room on the other side. They are preventing the traffic from getting in a jam. So please don’t toot. They are doing everyone a favour.

There is also a special breed of human in Auckland called a “rubbernecker”. These are people who appear to have never seen an accident before in their lives, despite driving the same roads in and out of the city every day. Its a motor vehicle accident. Insurance details are hopefully being exchanged. Nothing to see here people. Move along!

Another sin I witness every morning is waiting until the onramp is half the width of the vehicle before merging. The person letting you in, isn’t letting you in. They have braked, thus slowing down the flow of traffic, to let you in despite your complete lack of consideration for every other motorist in that lane. Merge like a zip. The police don’t say it because they like the sound of their own slogans!

Tailgating. If I can read whats written on your burger wrapper, you are too close. This is what causes accidents, which causes traffic jams because of “rubberneckers” – see above. Only a fool breaks the two second rule, or four seconds if you’re towing a trailer or its raining.

Tailgating. Part 2. If you are unlucky enough to tailgate me, I can be a bit moody. Yes there is a HUGE gap in front of me to the car I am following. Its big enough to crash an Airbus into. I’m leaving it there so that if traffic stops, I have enough time to brake and leave you enough time to break so you don’t rear end me.

Rear Ended. I’ve had this twice. Once, the boy racer thought I was going to run an orange light. In fact. I had stopped long enough to pull up my handbrake, put the car in neutral and change the radio station before he hit my car. Thanks for the neck injury and writing off my car.

Rear Ended II: A day before I flew out to Australia, a young kid was too busy texting his mates in his unwarranted, unregistered, uninsured vehicle that he didn’t notice I had stopped and up the back of my vehicle he went. The damage wasn’t major, but the rubberneckers caused a BIG traffic jam while we waited an hour for the cop to arrive to write the kid some tickets.

So what is the point of this blog post? After spending an hour doing a trip home tonight that would normally take me less than 30 you have a lot of time on your hands, listening to Ladyhawke and/or talkback, to contemplate the sins of the Auckland commute. I only ask that everyone be more polite and considerate of other motorists and we will all be happy travellers on the roads of life.